Never Again a New Year’s Resolution: it’s not about what you quit, but it’s what you enjoy
(or how I rediscovered my love of working out.)
Years ago, I made a new year’s resolution, the only one I can recall making in my adult life. I promised myself that there would be more live music in my life, and I would make an effort to attend music events that were either free or low priced. I discovered local symphony and choirs that charged less than $20, and there were free concerts in town for holidays and summer. I have been enjoying whatever live music available around since.
If a new year’s resolution could be a positive change, then why don’t I ever make them? Because they are usually hinged on what we want to quit, and there is no joy in that. Losing weight, working out, things we are told to do because they are “good” for us. Who cares. We want to feel better. All of those resolutions are made on assumptions that they would make you happy. So how do we feel happy? Physical workout does lift moods, and how do we weave it into our lives? “I want to get fit. How do I get started?” This is a lifestyle change, but more than that, it requires we change the way we think about fitness and how we relate to the idea of being fit.
More often than not, questions posted for communal wisdom on social media pages are based on how to quit something to feel better. “How do I stop eating refined sugar, gluten, smoking, etc… ?” A degree of anxiety is behind them. For one, the desire to quit ingesting certain substances comes from moralizing what has no moral value, like sugar, that some people deemed bad for you. The conclusion was that “if I quit this, my life will be better.” Unless the cessation is part of a larger change in how one looks at life, the quality of life will remain about the same. Instead of caffeine or shopping therapy, we are looking for the same sense of power by quitting. Now we are reaching for the heart of why a new year’s resolution is a lost cause.
If you want to stop doing one thing, Quit quitting. Yep, that’s right. It’s not what you quit but what you enjoy. “I have the power to find joy in what I eat and drink.” Does that feel better than “this thing, sugar, caffeine, (or whatever is the culprit of the moment) has too much control over my body and brain! I have to quit.” What is the difference? The former comes from the place of joy, discovery, and power while the latter comes from a bad kind of surrender. The answer: enthusiastic experiences that drive changes.
So how did I get back into working out while foregoing the drama of a resolution? I learned to say “I don’t care.” In the beginning, the inner critic is rambling on about how we look flabby, feel heavy, and “do I look ridiculous jogging around the block?” Every time, I talked back, “I don’t care.” And no one else cares. If you are jogging, lifting the lightest weights, or swimming for the first time in years, nobody cares. The people working out around you are too busy to pay attention to your outfit. But this might be too much to get through when your shoulders are just beginning to defrost like mine. So how do we start?
Do what you can, where you can, and how much you can.
Yep. It’s all about can-do. This might feel grating, and your resistance says “but … ” Say that you don’t care. Find one thing you can. Commit yourself to that one thing for one week, and do It. My first workout was Pilates at home (cheaper than going to a studio) during the quarantine of 2020. I groaned and sweated through the 15-minute routine that took me 40 minutes. It was the same the next day. It was slightly more manageable after a week. To keep it fresh, I gradually upped reps and difficulty.
Build on it.
After three months of Pilates, I wasn’t getting as much sweat out of it. I’m not a runner, and it doesn’t take much. I put a pair of hiking shoes on and started running around the block. After a week of stomping, I broke down and shelled out for a cheap pair of tennis shoes. Run and walk alternating by one house. Then run two houses, walk one house. Around the block once. Then twice. The Internet is positively flooded with information and videos about running. I figured two miles is a decent run and worked on it.
Have an event to prepare for.
It doesn’t have to be a triathlon. For one woman, the goal was to be able to pick up her grandchild again. My first goal was to stay with Pilates for seven days. I just wanted to be stronger and look better. Maybe you are going on a vacation in Yosemite or Rocky Mountain National Park. It would be nice to be able to hike a little more, see a little more, right? Being able to fit in shorts from ten years ago is emphatically self-affirming.
Find your team.
Life interferes. We all know this. My workout routine, hard-won and built, went sideways when I had to move and start a new job. I wanted to restart but wanted more from my effort. We are social animals, and we like having a team rapport. I signed up for a summer swim camp at our local community college. Two hours in the pool, four days a week for eight weeks. It’s not peer pressure, but the bonding drives people to go further. Find people who help you get better.
Most importantly, Have Fun.
None of this matters if you don’t enjoy the activity. That is why people let their gym membership wither away. They decided it was the right thing, and they made themselves do it. It worked for a few, but the human mind just will not abide by effort toward pointlessness, a definition of hell in my view. Pick a sport that is meaningful to you in some way. I started swimming because my mother was a runner but could only doggy paddle. She used to razz me about how I sucked at running, and swimming was how I set myself apart from the rest of the landlubber family. Defining yourself is so much more fun than being defined by someone else.
Everyone has a different enthusiasm trigger. Looking for it can be fun if you don’t know what makes you go “Yeah!! I did it!!” Cultivating your experience is an exploration worthy of a new year’s resolution, most likely the one you will keep.
